Parenthood

Olivia Grace turned 3 months old last Friday. She is no longer considered a "newborn". Something that sounds so trivial but feels so big. All pregnancy long, I only thought of having this tiny baby at the end. I guess I missed the part about her growing and learning and doing something new and exciting each day. I thought she would never outgrow her newborn clothes and that she'd sleep on our chests forever. And that I could just keep her in this protected little bubble until she was about 70, 75. As it turns out, that's not really practical (but I am still working on it...)

I have so many emotions over her being a quarter of a year old, you cannot even believe.

First and foremost, I am totally in awe of how fast the time has passed. And whatever, everyone tells you it will. Just like your wedding day. "Soak it all in!" The most over-used phrase of all time, am I right?! But it's the flat-out truth. You blink and she is holding her head up and laughing and trying with all her might to crawl and stand and be big girl in every sense of the word. And all of it BLOWS YOUR MIND. When did it happen?? Is she just an over-achieveing genius? (Probably.) Either way, it feels like we were driving home from the hospital yesterday. And this week she found her toes and is cutting her first teeth. Okay, brb, I need to go start planning her first birthday now.

Secondly, I feel incredibly proud. And I think that's okay to say. I am proud of Jason and me as parents. No one has been majorly injured so far (okay, I dropped my phone on her once) and we're all eating, sleeping, and showering on a somewhat regular basis. We still have no idea what we're doing, but we are figuring it out together. Purely by trial and error. Liv is getting to know us, and we are getting to know her, more each day.

A little bit of sadness comes along with it, too. How did time pass so quickly? "Starting our family" phase of life is officially over. We will never again be just two Stews. Liv will never again be a tiny little person that needs us 24/7 for every single thing. She will never fit into those itty, bitty clothes again. She will never use her newborn inserts or take a measly 5 oz. bottle and be full. I will never be up with her all hours of the night, both of us crying (okay, maybe we will) but finally falling asleep together. It's bittersweet. Liv is growing and thriving. But she's not my tiny babe anymore. She's somehow becoming a little girl already.

Lastly, I feel like I want a thousand more babies. Because as hard as it's been, I never want to stop doing this part of life. Watching the tiny human you MADE smile at you because you genuinely made her happy is the single best thing I've experienced in life. It still gets me choked up every day.

But as much as I love this little girl and being a mommy, there are some hard truths that come along with parenthood. Being a mommy is hard. Period. The end. Nothing besides loving their little guts out is easy.

Liv's first 6 weeks of life, we basically had every breastfeeding/digestive issue you can think of. At 2 weeks old, I got double mastitis that started a downhill slide at something I totally took for granted. Oh, you want to breastfeed? No problem. But baby to boob, suck, the end. NOPE. No one really tells you how challenging and emotional breastfeeding is and how many things can go wrong. Liv started off with a shallow latch. Then we both battled thrush for 8+ weeks. I developed oversupply and a forceful letdown about a month in, which made her continually gag/choke, destroyed her tummy, and turned all her poops neon green. Ah! The joys of motherhood. Two months in, we also found out she had reflux and a dairy intolerance. Once we got it all figured out, however, she was a whole new baby. Seven weeks was a MAJOR turning point for all of us. She started eating better, which meant she napped better, which meant she was happier, which meant we were happier. I think it just takes patience and perserverance and knowing that God created this tiny miracle and is going to give you the ability to provide for her. Even when it seems impossible and you are frustrated beyond belief.

And so things gradually improved from 2 months on. I started showering more, which I'm sure improved Jason's quality of life. Jason stopped being gone for work around the clock. (p.s. single moms are seriously my heroes. I barely survived without him.) We started venturing out more with confidence. We got back into a somewhat "normal" routine. Despite the progress though, it wasn't all rainbows and butterflies...

Here are a few of the tougher lessons I've learned since becoming a mommy:

1. You will not sleep enough under any circumstance. And naps probably won't happen no matter how often you tell yourself, "I'll nap when she naps".
2. You will freak out about and self-diagnose every medical condition under the sun to you or her or both. Trust me. EVERY condition. In the history of medicine. (I have a folder in my photos titled "Liv's Poops" for anyone interested.)
3. Every cry - no matter how big, how small - will break your heart. And the first real tear? Game over. You'll be bawling, too.
4. You will want to quit breastfeeding at some point (or for me, 5 times a week the first 3 weeks).
5. Comparison will ruin your day faster than realizing it's 4pm and you still haven't brushed your teeth (I'll let you decide if that's a hypothetical or real problem for me) if you let it. It is so easy to fall into, is my baby as {fill in the blank} as this baby on FB, instagram, whatever else the kids are using these days?
6. You will feel like a bad mom at some point. (You aren't.)
7. The first night she sleeps in her crib all night will be the best and worst night of your life. "I've never slept better! Wait, she doesn't need me? Why is her room so far away? We should probably buy a new house with closer rooms."
8. One day you will accidentally touch her soft spot and immediately be convinced you've caused permanent brain damage.
9. You will fall short of your own expectations. Hey remember how you thought she'd sleep in her crib from night one and you wouldn't pick her up every time she cried? Well Liv slept on Jason's or my chest for her first 2 months of life exclusively, and her average length of cry before being in my arms to this day is probably somewhere around 3.6 seconds.
And most of all...
10. You will have NO IDEA what you are doing. Read every book you want. You still won't have a clue.

But even through the sleepless nights and the struggle of how to juggle this new lifestyle, there is ONE thing I have learned that outweighs all the "hard" things:

IT IS WORTH IT.

All of it. The green poops. The blistered nipples (TMI, don't care. It's real.) The fights with your husband. The public meltdowns. The worry. The stress. ALL of it. This tiny little baby is the most worth it thing ever created. And you would go through all of it one thousand times over to have her in your lives. (Or literally nineteen times, if you're Michelle Duggar.)

One thing that has particularly rocked me to my core almost every day is how God continues to provide for us. And I'm convinced it's the only way we've survived. Because face it, we are way under-qualified to be doing what we are doing... raising a HUMAN. I truly believe every day He will give you enough strength, grace, and patience (even if it's the bare minimum) to get through that day. And that's all you can ask for. Just get to the end of this day. Tomorrow will happen tomorrow. (Side note: if you're really lucky, He will also provide you with an amazing friend that you can text all day and night long who will also show their pediatrician a picture of your baby's poop when you're worried and your check-up isn't for 2 more days... Hi, Kati! Love you!)

So if I could tell all expecting mommies and daddies one thing about parenthood? It would be simple: enjoy it. Oh my stars, just enjoy it. ALL the emotions of becoming a parent... because it will fly by faster than you could ever imagine. And you only get to become a parent for the first time ONCE.

Happy quarter of a year, OG! We love you more than anything.

Welcome to the world, Olivia Grace

THE magical day, the day we'd been looking forward to for 9 months - December 27th - came and went, and we still had no baby.

Now I realize due dates are just estimates, and truly, the average length of pregnancy for a first time mommy is 41 weeks, 4 days. BUT I was over it. I'd been having regular contractions since somewhere around 16-18 weeks which had now turned into every 5-7 minutes every night... and p.s. they were not comfortable. My ankles were ENORMOUS. Like so big I literally could only wear crocs and uggs, and if you are a good friend of mine, you got pictures of them sent to you on a regular basis (sorry). I couldn't even look at a tomato without getting heartburn that felt like a blow torch in my chest. I had round ligament pain so bad in my left hip that getting in and out of bed to use the bathroom at night was nothing short of excruciating. Overall, I was just done being pregnant and ready to be a mommy. And since we hadn't had a view of Liv's face since 20 weeks, we were just SO ready to finally see and meet her. So at 40 weeks and 4 days, we scheduled an induction at my checkup. Something I said I would never do. "I'll let her come when she's ready," said second trimester Kate. "GET THIS KID OUT OF ME!!" said a bawling 41 weeks pregnant Kate. I'm pretty sure my OBGYN thought I was losing it. And I probably was.

I was scheduled to be induced on Friday the 2nd. (Sorry to disappoint the 20+ people who said "you better have her before the New Year to get that tax break!" Sidenote: we still get a tax break this year...) "We'll have you come in at 6am Friday and get started. Just call first to make sure there is a bed open." Okay, great. Well 6am became 8am, which became noon, which finally became 4pm. Since I was giving birth in an Army hospital, I'll let you guess the babies being born to beds available ratio. Especially in Fort Polk, LA. Where people make babies because there's literally nothing else to do. Needless to say, they were right in the middle of a record-breaking weekend. 14 babies had been born in 2 days. Liv ended up being the 15th of 2015.

So after being anxious ALL day and barely sleeping the night before, Jason, Mom and I headed to the hospital around 3:30 that afternoon. We swung by admissions, picked up some paperwork, and headed to my LDRP room. I was finally in that snazzy hospital gown and hooked up to approximately 100 monitors by 5:30, when they realized I had started labor on my own. (Cue my thoughts of, "Are you for real, Olivia Grace?!?) I also literally can't believe I had started LABORING THE BIRTH OF A CHILD and had no idea whatsoever... Guess I was just super used to all those contractions! So my doctor decided to see what my body did over the next 2 hours on its own before I started on Pitocin. The contractions were 3-5 minutes apart and getting stronger but not getting any closer than that, so I started a small dose of Pitocin around 7:30. 

If you talked to me before labor, you knew I had planned on going medicine-free for as long as possible (and hopefully the entire time). In my prenatal classes, I learned there were a lot of benefits in doing so that I hadn't really considered before (mobility, ability to feel when to push, faster labor, etc.). But honestly, the number 1 reason I didn't want it was they told me I'd have to get a catheter. Look, I get it. I'm having a baby and a catheter is my biggest concern? Yea. I'm a weenie. Whatever. By 1am, however, I was starting to lose my mind in pain! I got a small dose of pain killer in my IV, which made me feel completely drunk. Mom AND Jason had to walk me to the bathroom because I was so dizzy and confused. So I lost a few hours in a haze, napped, got it out of my system, and swore never again. Then for the next 4 hours, I just dealt with the pain. Til 5am. When I actually and completely lost my mind. I politely begged to call the anesthesiologist (who they promised me could be there in 16 minutes) "umm... NOW"! Thankfully, she she made it in what seemed like 5 minutes and saved my life. Early on, my first shift doctor basically said, get the epidural. Don't be a martyr. You'll be smiling as you push your baby out (this was a total lie btw), but about everything else, he was freaking right. The nurses explained to me going medicine free is awesome... if your water breaks at home, you come in 5cm dilated and ready to have a baby. Not for someone who had been 1-2cm for weeks, had to be induced, and was in intense early labor pain for hours. I never thought twice about getting it afterwards, and I have ZERO regrets that I didn't make it epidural-free. I had only dilated to 4 cm the first 10 hours of labor (1.5cm from when I'd come in). After I got the epidural, I took an hour nap, and woke up over 9cm dilated. My heart was jumping out of my body. It's go time... FINALLY!!!

I started pushing shortly thereafter. And thank God I had the best nurse in the history of L&D, who was super patient with me and let me move around and complain and cry and even throw up. (Umm, how did I not know that was a thing during labor, btw?) Well anyways, I got sick 3 separate times. But by #2 and #3, Jay got REALLY good at grabbing the sick bag.

Since I had gotten the epidural, I had no feeling in my legs. Since Mom and Jay were already in the room with me, they held them while I pushed. (p.s. you should know "held" was a pretty loose term on Jason's side, who, halfway through my pushing, dropped my leg to the ground {which I could not see}, and so when I heard a crash and asked "what was that?", we all laughed and admitted he was not holding my legs for baby #2.) Having them RIGHT there was never part of the plan. Mom was there to take pictures (don't panic... from the hips up!) and for moral support, and Jason could barely even be in the room during my regular pelvic exams throughout pregnancy without almost passing out. But everything started happening so fast, we really had no other choice. And it was awesome. They were rockstars. And much braver than me. I could not have done it without them period. Then two hours of pushing later (and after me repeatedly telling the doctor, "I actually can't do this anymore - I guess she's just staying in forever" and being 100% serious about that), the most beautiful baby came into this world.

She was cute, oh my. But she was also blue-grey. Something you see on tv or read about and know is never good. Well my doctor flipped her over quickly, rubbed her back, and then... nothing. No response. We heard none of the first cries you imagine hearing at least 1000 times while you're pregnant. Liv was not breathing. She was actually completely lifeless. So ignoring our birth plan of having Jay cut the umbilical cord, Dr. Ferguson immediately clamped and cut her and got her to the nurses.

"Is she okay?" I asked twice. No response the first time. "You're okay," was my favorite nurses's response the second time. I was too scared to look at Jason, so I calmly turned to Mom and asked the scariest question I've ever asked in my life... "Is she alive?" I don't remember if Mom answered me or not, but I will tell you now that she wasn't sure of the answer. Neither was Jason. We just had to wait. The next 5 minutes were the LONGEST of all our lives. But by the GRACE of God, we had the best nurses on the planet who were able to resuscitate her with oxygen and some more rubbing. When we finally heard her voice for the first time, I can't remember ever having had a better feeling. And I don't care what happens the rest of my life - I never will. Our baby was alive. And crying so beautifully.

So after a mere 19 hours, we finally had our little miracle in our arms. And it's everything everyone tells you it will be. A love you've never known, a complete feeling of awe, a confusion about how we MADE her (well, I mean, I know how we made her...) But seriously, it's the most wonderful thing in the world, plain and simple. And we're trying our best to soak in all these early moments that seem to fly by.

The one question people seem to ask now is, "has your view on life changed?" And the answer is, honestly, yes. Without question. I have said it more times than I can count... life before her just doesn't really seem to matter.

Pregnancy

This post goes out to my one (and potentially only) blog follower, Mary. My bestie for the rest-y since the 6th grade. You've been asking for months, and I need something to do while my nails dry, so here goes...

**Spoiler alert: I'm pregnant.**

So I think every woman dreams of finding out she's pregnant via a $4 AAFES pregnancy test bought at the closest Shopette. No? Just me? Oh, you don't even know what those 2 things are? Consider yourself lucky. Anyways, it IS how I found out. But that's just the beginning...

I'd woken up a few mornings in a row back in April just feeling different. A little sick but nothing crazy so I shrugged it off. Then I started feeling sick in the afternoons and eating a lot of mac n cheese (judge away, but that stuff will calm a sick stomach any day). So finally I asked Jay to pick up a test on his way home from work one day. And that's when the panic begins. You have that test in your hand, you're way too nervous to actually read the instructions, and you just want to KNOW. So after Jason carefully reads the fine print on what angle precisely I must hold this foreign object into my urine stream (and OHMYGOSH don't forget it must be MID-stream!), I take the test. "Lie flat and wait 5-10 minutes before reading results", the box says. "PREGNANT!!!!!!" the test says 0.5 seconds later, being held vertically in the air. Okay, so it didn't say pregnant, and there were no exclamation points (there really should be), but IMMEDIATELY we saw a plus sign. I freaked. I demanded more tests. So we went to Walgreens and bought 2 more that spell it out for you in case you're in total denial (check!). Replay this last paragraph - unwrap test, have a panic attack, try to follow instructions, "PREGNANT"... twice. Okay, I am definitely pregnant. The next logical thing to do is FaceTime your mom bawling. So that's what I did.

It's not that I wasn't happy to be pregnant, but I was in total shock. Complete and utter, this-is-about-to-change-your-whole-life, shock. Jason, on the other hand, was as gleeful as a songbird, practically skipping around the house. (He's wanted kids since the day after our wedding.) And I really did, too. Some women dream of being a CEO or getting their PhD. I never really wanted any of that. I wanted to be a mom. Mostly because I have the greatest mom in the world, and I wanted to try to give that to my children. But I wasn't planning on getting pregnant basically the minute we moved to Louisiana. Jason and I had talked timelines a lot (because that's what people in the Army do), and we settled on the fact that we would start trying this fall. That way, I was sure to avoid the December birthday thing. (p.s. you would not believe the amount of people actually vocal about how much that stinks your baby is going to be born in December. p.p.s. I was born in December. Thanks. p.p.p.s. this is the happiest day of our lives, so chill the heck out.) After I got my tears on lock, I called up the hospital to schedule my blood test. This was on a Friday. On Monday morning I get the call... 

"Mrs. Stewart?"

"Yes."

"Congratulations, you're 6 weeks pregnant. You're due December 27th."

Boom.

That's when it really set in. And that's when I started to feel this immense joy... and anger at myself for ever feeling scared. THIS was the plan all along. Who the heck cares what Jason and I had discussed. God had lined up so much for this to be the perfect time, and then he chose US, specifically, to be the parents of sweet little Olivia Grace. It's almost too much to comprehend. 

In my last post I described the terror over moving to Ft. Polk and not being able to find a house right away. And then God led us straight to this little place on post (which btw, is 5 minutes from the hospital where OG will make her grand appearance) and made it apparent to me He was right there taking care of us. I also wrote about the fact that I was offered my job back at JTV upon moving to La, and how much of a blessing that was. Well what I didn't see here was that God was also setting us up for little one. It all seems so clear now. We got a house 5 minutes from Jason's office and 5 minutes from all my appointments when we were looking at ones 45 minutes away, AND He provided me with a job so we don't have to worry about how to afford all this baby stuff. (Seriously. Google baby mattresses. I think we spent more on Liv's then ours.) But what can I say, hindsight is 20/20. And God is really, really good. 

We started slowing telling family and then friends a few weeks later. But honestly, it was kind of the most special thing ever to keep it between the two of us for a while. I totally recommend it.

Things got a little scary when I was 10 weeks pregnant. I started bleeding pretty badly one night (every mom's first trimester fear) and immediately lost my mind. I started thinking how I cried when I found out I was pregnant, so I must be losing this baby. I didn't appreciate it enough. But the good news is, that's not how God works. And He knows what's in our hearts. Jason rushed me off to the ER where I was examined every which way, and given another ultrasound just to make sure everything looked just right. And thank God it did! It's also the first time little Livi started looking more human-like and less alien-like. She had her arms up in the air, waving to us. (I mean, obviously not. But when you're afraid you're losing your baby and everything turns out to be okay, you can make up anything you want about the ultrasound.) We breathed a huge sigh of relief and started being a lot more thankful for every day. I even embraced the sickness. 

From weeks 14-16, we were home in Knoxville. It took my mom about 2.7 seconds to start buying everything baby in sight. Now you have to understand that when you make a woman like Julie Mills wait this long to be a grandma, expect the flood gates to open. We both started buying up boy and girl stuff, planning to return whichever Baby Stew wasn't. Then the day I hit 15 weeks, Jason's dad gave us an ultrasound (don't worry he's a doctor, so it's not weird). We knew it was a little early to tell for sure, but with no little weenie in sight, we were about 95% sure we had a little girl on our hands. We both cried. Let the blue returning begin! And let the pink shopping REALLY begin. I'm not sure how much I spent that trip, but I'm pretty sure I had to get a new debit card when I got home because the numbers were worn off. Lay off, it's my first baby.

At 20 weeks, we found out for sure. I'll never forget the ultrasound tech's voice and exactly how she said "it's a girl". We both cried again. But mostly because we were still fighting over a boy's name, and we didn't have to start calling it Oliver instead of Olivia. 

I'll spare you the gruesome details of 24/7 "morning" sickness I had through my 13th week, but I would like to share some of the things that have genuinely surprised me about pregnancy:

• The fact that there are approximately 1,487 car seat options. And they all look exactly the same. God bless Jason for doing all the research and having our car seat and stroller picked out by week 8. I'd say by about 10 weeks, the play yard and crib were on lock, too.  
• How long it would take for me to be in maternity shirts (somewhere around 21-22 weeks), but how soon it would take me to be in maternity pants (pretty much the day we found out). 
• My borderline uncontrollable drooling, whether I am asleep OR awake. I don't really feel the need to go into more detail... unfortunately it's pretty self-explanatory. 
• How frequently I pee, but how little comes out. Is this getting too graphic?
• "Everyone is going to give you their opinion, be careful!" False. I'm practically begging people to talk to me about their pregnancies. 
• How little I am concerned with how my body is changing. Yes, my boobs have literally doubled in size. And yes, I am gaining weight every week. But no, I do not weigh myself. I just try to eat right and walk and put Livi before anything else. I think too many women immediately go into, "OMG how will I ever get my body back??" mode before they even have a bump. Umm, hello? You're growing another HUMAN inside of you. I think it's okay if your stomach gets a little bigger. (I do not endorse eating cake for every meal and gaining 75 lbs. I just think we need to relax a little.)
• The immense joy in feeling the first kicks. And how much I completely am in love with them. And how I poke her when she's been too quiet because selfishly I want to feel her squirm. Jason says, "Stop it! I don't wake you up in the middle of night to do tricks!" He's right. Oops. I'm just gonna be that mom. (I'm also going to be that mom who dresses her daughter up like her. Cue the orange skinny jeans and chambray top folded and in Liv's closet now just waiting for next football season.)
• How hard it is to find pinks that match. I can't even write more about this one, because my blood pressure will start to rise.
• The fact the NO ONE wants to touch my belly!!! You hear horror stories of strangers practically running you down in the grocery store just to get a feel. Nope. Not even close. Even people I know are terrified to touch the bump. (If I know you, feel free. If I do not, then you're not reading this post, so I don't really need to address you... but don't do it.)
• How much I already love this tiny baby despite the fact I've never met her. The depths of my love for her cannot be described, so I won't even try. Let's just hope she's ready to be smothered with snuggles and kisses. 

So here we are, 6 months in. And I will tell you this, I cannot imagine for the life of me, not being pregnant. It's truly the most miraculous thing I think anyone could ever experience. Just SIX WEEKS after little thing was conceived, we got to hear AND see her heart beating. God thoughtfully and beautifully designed this whole process with growth and change coming each day. And it's flat out mind-blowing.

I know I have no idea just how much she is going to change our lives yet, but I do know having her in my belly makes me realize that everything I've done in my life before this pales in comparison. She's my absolute greatest joy, and I cannot wait to meet her this December. 

Oh, and if Jason sneaks "OG, the original gangster" onto her birth certificate, don't be surprised. 

It's been HOW long since I wrote a post?!

Hello? Is anyone there? Does this thing even still work??

I cannot even believe it has been two YEARS since I've written on this thing!

Let's do a quick recap of the last 24 months:
Jason deployed for the second time.
I stressed 24/7 for 8.5 months.
I also came back to the States to work while he was gone.
I spent all the money I earned to buy Jason a new truck. Look, I'm gonna talk about that forever, okay?
I flew back to Germany and got my hero back.
We continued traveling the world over the next few months, until…
ARIZONA(/MEXICO).
Where Jason went to nerd school and I watched every single thing in the Netflix library and went to Marshall's every day.
I also worked at Dillard's for 2.5 days. If you haven't heard that story, please ask me at some point. I swear it's worth it.
It was kind of totally the worst place to live.
Okay, I'm being dramatic.
But it was where people go to retire, not to spend their 27th and 28th years of life.
Now we are stationed in Louisiana, where Jason uses his nerd knowledge to train other soldiers.
And I also work. From home. Doing the same job I've done on and off since I graduated college.
Huge blessings on that last thing.
Like blessings so big I cried when I got asked to come back.
Real, ugly tears.

So that brings us up to speed! We've been living the Louisiana life for about 10 days now. And are y'all ready for this next part?!

WE ACTUALLY LIKE IT!!!

Okay, I get it. Some of you (all of you?) are like, "What's the big deal? Aren't you in New Orleans or something?"

The big deal is Ft. Polk, LA has what I would consider a pretty terrible reputation within the military community. "There's nothing to do there." "It's so hot." "I hope you like alligators." (Also… what? Do they come hang out with you at home? Do I really have to like them?) Blah, blah, blah. Nothing that has any real merit, is what I'm actually learning. But before I go any further, let's rewind a few months…

Last fall, we got a list of potential new duty stations, which Jason and I spent a good deal of time ranking (and crossing others of the list completely). Make a list of the top 20 duty stations you would like, the Army says. We will try to give you one of those, the Army says. Just kidding, the Army says. We'll send you to your second from last "never, ever do we want to go there" place.

Fort Polk, Louisiana.

Here's how it went down: Jason calls Kate, tells her the news, she says, "Very funny. Where are we really going? Clarksville?" Jason says he is serious. He's not sure why it happened but not to worry. God has a plan. Did you catch that last part? GOD HAS A PLAN. A really good one that Kate was willing to look past in order to have a panic attack. I immediately went in freak out mode. I called my dad from the floor of our guest bedroom, bawling my eyes out. Yep. Over the simple fact we were moving to Louisiana. Because that's not how it was supposed to be.

Fast-forward a few months. People were pretty vocally negative about the whole situation. Which made my outlook on the thing so much worse. Until I decided I was already hating something I'd never even experienced! (And that most of the negative people had never experienced either!) So I changed my attitude. As my new life motto goes (thanks to the knock-off Jiffy Lube on Emory Rd.): Be a fountain. Not a drain. I decided right then and there this WAS happening for a reason, and I might as well be happy about it. Even if the happiness was still a little forced. GOD HAS A PLAN finally came into my heart and not just my mind.

Fast forward a few more months. Jason and I arrive in DeRidder, LA (a town about 40 min. south of post, where we thought we'd buy or rent a home). Straight off 18 hours in the car, we drive to meet a realtor. We see a house. I get in my car and cry (yes, again). What in the WORLD is this place?! runs through my mind more than once. Jay and I decide to head to post, check into our hotel, maybe have a couple drinks (look, I was stressed), and then start the search again the next day. Then we decide the house within our budget was so nasty, let's just go out on a limb. Let's spend a little more and find somewhere nice. We call the realtor back. We go see said "nice", "above the budget" house. I cry one more time. What are all these smeared brown stains on the wall? Why is there no refrigerator? Why do the doors not close shut? Did a wild animal actually die in here somewhere? Were all legitimate questions we had when we left.

Then it hit me. Psalm 37:7 all but slapped me straight in the face. "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him." It was the only thing I needed to hear.

Why am I trying to make all these plans? God already has it in the works. He knows exactly how it's going down. HE HAS OUR BACKS! Always. In every single situation. Big and small.

The next day we decide to check out on-post housing, something we ruled out super early in the process of moving. All we had heard were horror stories of month- and year-long waiting lists. That we'd only qualify for a 2-bedroom house. That we probably wouldn't get a garage. Then the nice lady says, "Well guys, we're all out of 2 bedrooms. Let me see if I can offer you this 3-bedroom…today." I cry. But this time tears of joy. We spend the afternoon before our walk-through trying not to get our hopes too high. Then we walk in, and it was like God was right there with me, saying, "See. I told you I got this."

We signed for our house that day and moved in 2 weeks later.

Now, all the boxes have been unpacked, and we're settling into a new (very humid) routine. We have awesome neighbors. GRASS! AND TREES! GREEN STUFF!! It's just the most beautiful. Seriously. We have a lawn not made up entirely of pink rocks. This will always be a big deal to me.

And we are HAPPY. So very thankful, grateful, feeling blessed, and happy. No, there aren't countless restaurants here. And yes, the nearest Target is an hour away. But in every single situation, God provides. You just have to put your panic attack aside, decide to be a fountain, and trust.

More updates to come from swamp land! (Also, it's not swampy here. I don't know what people are talking about.)

Life 8.5 time zones apart & Erlangen Beer Fest

As usual, it's been awhile since I've written a post! Long story short, I am back home (getting ready to start back at work Monday!), and Jason is safely at FOB Airborne in Afghanistan after a WEEK of traveling to get there. So many answered prayers in just those few short sentences.

As soon as I flew back in town, I tried my best to catch up on sleep and emotions for the first day or two. In the midst of my insanity, I cut a foot off my hair (I still have a hard time believing it's gone!), and then left to visit Mom's side of the family in Illinois just a couple days after that. We had the best visit, and I think it was just the time for me to get away, but now it's time to get back to reality...in 3 days! Until then, I have a few things to catch you all up on our last weeks in Germany.

First up...the beer fest in Erlangen. In even more usual fashion, I can't remember at all what the fest is actually called, but for this blog's sake, we will just refer to it as "the beer fest." A whole bunch of us decided to take the train from Bamberg about 20 minutes down the road to Erlangen our second to last weekend together. Needless to say, it was a party! The fest was so much bigger than I thought it'd be. I swear it reminded me of a big, German Dollywood. They had all kinds of fest food and rides and live music and TONS of people all dressed up drinking some good German bier.

Check out some of my pics (when I had hairrrrr!):

I just love this man more than you could ever imagine.

Most of the group!

Sweet friends. With an even sweeter pretzel.

Sarah wanted one too!

Precious baby Isa & her momma, Liz :)

Just a FRACTION of the fest!

After losing Jason for an hour at one point and both our phones dying, we ended up heading home a lot earlier than some of our brave friends who literally stayed until the end! We took the train home with Mike & Nora, ordered Chinese in (yum! such a treat!) and called it a night. Our last couple weeks together were filled with nothing but fun and love and not taking even one single minute for granted. Mission accomplished!

Road-tripping: Memorial Day Weekend

Hi friends! Well, to put it simply, life has not slowed down here since I last blogged. We continue to find ourselves on the go about 90% of the time, and asleep by 8pm the other 10% of the time. The price you pay for living the European dream...

Last weekend was another 4-day for Jason, so we decided it would be our last big trip before deployment. We had casually talked about taking a road-trip to a few places, but it wasn't until the day before we left that we actually made plans and booked hotels! With my "mom" snack bag packed, we were ready to hit the road. We would drive to Cologne early Friday, spend the day there; drive to Amsterdam the next morning; and then end our weekend in Brussels Sunday/Monday. The drives were not bad at all, and we got to see so much!

Since I took about 750 photos in 3 days, I am going to skip posting them on here for both our sakes, but go check out my albums on Facebook to see everything with did and saw! For now, I'll just do a little recap of some of my favorite parts of the trip.

Cologne - I am a major nerd for feeling this way apparently, but I genuinely believe it is one of my favorite places I've been to in Europe! I have been to 7 countries and countless cities over here, but there is just something about Cologne. It's not too big, not too small. Not too much to run around and see, but enough to keep you entertained for a day or long weekend. Northern Germany is SO different than Bavaria, where we live. Cologne was modern for the most part, with a few really old things that survived the war. The Koln Dom (amazing church) is definitely worth seeing if you are there. And if you aren't feeling looking at old stuff, it is a beautiful place to just hang out! It is right on the Rhine River and has amazing views. One of the best views was from the Chocolate Museum actually. Another very cool thing to do there! Cologne also had a great shopping district, lots of yummy places to eat, and plenty of places to stay right downtown. Overall, I was pretty obsessed. If I had to stay in Germany, I would NOT mind living there!

Amsterdam - hmm...where do I start with this one? I didn't really do much research on what to see/do here, so maybe that made love it a little less than other big cities I've been too. BUT I really did enjoy my day there, and Jason did too. It is definitely one unique place. One thing you've got to do there is map out exactly what you want to see and do. There is not a lot of time to cover all that space! My favorite thing we did there was tour the Anne Frank house - her father's old business building where she hid in the annex with her family for over 2 years. So incredible and haunting and special. I was fascinated to say the least. After that, we went to Jason's favorite place - the Heineken Brewery, haha. It was cool too...definitely worth the time and money. And they give you several beers along the way! Other than that, we pretty much explored different canals and markets and churches and districts (even the Red Light district - so sad), and enjoyed the greatest dinner ever at Haesje Claes. Totally glad we went there, but I definitely want to see a lot of other places before I'd go back.

Brussels - again, my b. I didn't really know much about this place! We ran around taking pictures of a bunch of really old and beautiful stuff and ate more yummy food here. The coolest thing I saw there was the Grand Place. It was really breathtaking! The platz it is located in made Jason and I feel like we were living in a Harry Potter land...just a very cool feel. We also stumbled upon a jazz fest in that same square later that night, visited the Atomium (built for the World's Fair there), toured a mini-sized Europe, and ended our night at yet another Irish Pub for dinner. Overall, very cool place. Lots to see and do. Delicious waffles, go figure!

The most special part of our trip was a spur of the moment stop in Bastogne, almost on the border of Belgium and Luxembourg. The Battle of the Bulge took place here in WWII. Since we stopped there on the actual Memorial Day, it was a pretty darn cool feeling. There were roughly 79,000 American casualties on and around the grounds we were walking just 70 years earlier. It's hard to even comprehend the bravery of those men. So I hope you all took some time out of your lake days and BBQs to really think what Memorial Day is all about. It's truly only about those would have made the ultimate sacrifice for mine and your freedom. Selfless dedication to a country they were willing to die for, so that we may know true freedom always.

So that is the long and short of our last major trip together this year. For everything in between, go FB stalk us!

Fun Friends = Fun Weekends

It is 3:25pm on Monday, and I'm pretty sure this is the first time I have sat down for more than 2 minutes in the last 10 days. Since we left last Sunday for Italy, we have been on the GO! That didn't stop this weekend just because we were back home in Bamberg either...

Friday night we had a big, multi-reason, party at our friends', the Galletta's house. It was a sort-of delayed Cinco de Mayo/going away to 2 friends/pre-deployment party. Whatever the reason, we all got together and ate way too much food that is really bad for us and just hung out! Some people dressed for the "fiesta", and other people just looked like ghosts (please see me below). At least I put on that festive red lipstick, or I would have just blended in with the walls. I am in serious need of some sun!

The party continued Saturday afternoon at a bier garten, that not only do I not remember the name of, I furthermore don't even know what town it was in. Details have never really been my thing... Nonetheless! It was a beautiful afternoon spent with good friends drinking yummy German bier.

1/2 of the friends!

Jason and I came home Saturday just in time for me to fix dinner and him to make plans to watch the Champions League soccer match. (I don't know if that's the league's real name, or if you even call it a match...) So on we went to a place the Germans call City Beach and the Americans call Tiki Bar...you figure it out, there are no signs anywhere! But it is basically this huge "beach" tucked away in downtown Bamberg. I didn't even have a clue it was there. It's right on the river, and totally covered in sand, complete with multiple bars and a huge tv projector. It was actually really cool! So we met friends over there and the boys watched the game, while the girls just tried to stay awake.

Yesterday was part 2 of Friday night's party - a BBQ in the park. We are so blessed to have such a close group of friends over here, so these get togethers are always a lot of fun. Again, the boys played volleyball and the girls sat in the shade and talked top secret girl stuff. You know...like why do pedicures stay on so much longer than manicures, etc.

Can you find Jason?

We only have a few more weekends left in Germany this year, so taking full advantage of those is high on our priority list! We are just getting ready to close another chapter in our lives, and we couldn't have asked for better people to share it with. 3 weeks til America!