Pregnancy

This post goes out to my one (and potentially only) blog follower, Mary. My bestie for the rest-y since the 6th grade. You've been asking for months, and I need something to do while my nails dry, so here goes...

**Spoiler alert: I'm pregnant.**

So I think every woman dreams of finding out she's pregnant via a $4 AAFES pregnancy test bought at the closest Shopette. No? Just me? Oh, you don't even know what those 2 things are? Consider yourself lucky. Anyways, it IS how I found out. But that's just the beginning...

I'd woken up a few mornings in a row back in April just feeling different. A little sick but nothing crazy so I shrugged it off. Then I started feeling sick in the afternoons and eating a lot of mac n cheese (judge away, but that stuff will calm a sick stomach any day). So finally I asked Jay to pick up a test on his way home from work one day. And that's when the panic begins. You have that test in your hand, you're way too nervous to actually read the instructions, and you just want to KNOW. So after Jason carefully reads the fine print on what angle precisely I must hold this foreign object into my urine stream (and OHMYGOSH don't forget it must be MID-stream!), I take the test. "Lie flat and wait 5-10 minutes before reading results", the box says. "PREGNANT!!!!!!" the test says 0.5 seconds later, being held vertically in the air. Okay, so it didn't say pregnant, and there were no exclamation points (there really should be), but IMMEDIATELY we saw a plus sign. I freaked. I demanded more tests. So we went to Walgreens and bought 2 more that spell it out for you in case you're in total denial (check!). Replay this last paragraph - unwrap test, have a panic attack, try to follow instructions, "PREGNANT"... twice. Okay, I am definitely pregnant. The next logical thing to do is FaceTime your mom bawling. So that's what I did.

It's not that I wasn't happy to be pregnant, but I was in total shock. Complete and utter, this-is-about-to-change-your-whole-life, shock. Jason, on the other hand, was as gleeful as a songbird, practically skipping around the house. (He's wanted kids since the day after our wedding.) And I really did, too. Some women dream of being a CEO or getting their PhD. I never really wanted any of that. I wanted to be a mom. Mostly because I have the greatest mom in the world, and I wanted to try to give that to my children. But I wasn't planning on getting pregnant basically the minute we moved to Louisiana. Jason and I had talked timelines a lot (because that's what people in the Army do), and we settled on the fact that we would start trying this fall. That way, I was sure to avoid the December birthday thing. (p.s. you would not believe the amount of people actually vocal about how much that stinks your baby is going to be born in December. p.p.s. I was born in December. Thanks. p.p.p.s. this is the happiest day of our lives, so chill the heck out.) After I got my tears on lock, I called up the hospital to schedule my blood test. This was on a Friday. On Monday morning I get the call... 

"Mrs. Stewart?"

"Yes."

"Congratulations, you're 6 weeks pregnant. You're due December 27th."

Boom.

That's when it really set in. And that's when I started to feel this immense joy... and anger at myself for ever feeling scared. THIS was the plan all along. Who the heck cares what Jason and I had discussed. God had lined up so much for this to be the perfect time, and then he chose US, specifically, to be the parents of sweet little Olivia Grace. It's almost too much to comprehend. 

In my last post I described the terror over moving to Ft. Polk and not being able to find a house right away. And then God led us straight to this little place on post (which btw, is 5 minutes from the hospital where OG will make her grand appearance) and made it apparent to me He was right there taking care of us. I also wrote about the fact that I was offered my job back at JTV upon moving to La, and how much of a blessing that was. Well what I didn't see here was that God was also setting us up for little one. It all seems so clear now. We got a house 5 minutes from Jason's office and 5 minutes from all my appointments when we were looking at ones 45 minutes away, AND He provided me with a job so we don't have to worry about how to afford all this baby stuff. (Seriously. Google baby mattresses. I think we spent more on Liv's then ours.) But what can I say, hindsight is 20/20. And God is really, really good. 

We started slowing telling family and then friends a few weeks later. But honestly, it was kind of the most special thing ever to keep it between the two of us for a while. I totally recommend it.

Things got a little scary when I was 10 weeks pregnant. I started bleeding pretty badly one night (every mom's first trimester fear) and immediately lost my mind. I started thinking how I cried when I found out I was pregnant, so I must be losing this baby. I didn't appreciate it enough. But the good news is, that's not how God works. And He knows what's in our hearts. Jason rushed me off to the ER where I was examined every which way, and given another ultrasound just to make sure everything looked just right. And thank God it did! It's also the first time little Livi started looking more human-like and less alien-like. She had her arms up in the air, waving to us. (I mean, obviously not. But when you're afraid you're losing your baby and everything turns out to be okay, you can make up anything you want about the ultrasound.) We breathed a huge sigh of relief and started being a lot more thankful for every day. I even embraced the sickness. 

From weeks 14-16, we were home in Knoxville. It took my mom about 2.7 seconds to start buying everything baby in sight. Now you have to understand that when you make a woman like Julie Mills wait this long to be a grandma, expect the flood gates to open. We both started buying up boy and girl stuff, planning to return whichever Baby Stew wasn't. Then the day I hit 15 weeks, Jason's dad gave us an ultrasound (don't worry he's a doctor, so it's not weird). We knew it was a little early to tell for sure, but with no little weenie in sight, we were about 95% sure we had a little girl on our hands. We both cried. Let the blue returning begin! And let the pink shopping REALLY begin. I'm not sure how much I spent that trip, but I'm pretty sure I had to get a new debit card when I got home because the numbers were worn off. Lay off, it's my first baby.

At 20 weeks, we found out for sure. I'll never forget the ultrasound tech's voice and exactly how she said "it's a girl". We both cried again. But mostly because we were still fighting over a boy's name, and we didn't have to start calling it Oliver instead of Olivia. 

I'll spare you the gruesome details of 24/7 "morning" sickness I had through my 13th week, but I would like to share some of the things that have genuinely surprised me about pregnancy:

• The fact that there are approximately 1,487 car seat options. And they all look exactly the same. God bless Jason for doing all the research and having our car seat and stroller picked out by week 8. I'd say by about 10 weeks, the play yard and crib were on lock, too.  
• How long it would take for me to be in maternity shirts (somewhere around 21-22 weeks), but how soon it would take me to be in maternity pants (pretty much the day we found out). 
• My borderline uncontrollable drooling, whether I am asleep OR awake. I don't really feel the need to go into more detail... unfortunately it's pretty self-explanatory. 
• How frequently I pee, but how little comes out. Is this getting too graphic?
• "Everyone is going to give you their opinion, be careful!" False. I'm practically begging people to talk to me about their pregnancies. 
• How little I am concerned with how my body is changing. Yes, my boobs have literally doubled in size. And yes, I am gaining weight every week. But no, I do not weigh myself. I just try to eat right and walk and put Livi before anything else. I think too many women immediately go into, "OMG how will I ever get my body back??" mode before they even have a bump. Umm, hello? You're growing another HUMAN inside of you. I think it's okay if your stomach gets a little bigger. (I do not endorse eating cake for every meal and gaining 75 lbs. I just think we need to relax a little.)
• The immense joy in feeling the first kicks. And how much I completely am in love with them. And how I poke her when she's been too quiet because selfishly I want to feel her squirm. Jason says, "Stop it! I don't wake you up in the middle of night to do tricks!" He's right. Oops. I'm just gonna be that mom. (I'm also going to be that mom who dresses her daughter up like her. Cue the orange skinny jeans and chambray top folded and in Liv's closet now just waiting for next football season.)
• How hard it is to find pinks that match. I can't even write more about this one, because my blood pressure will start to rise.
• The fact the NO ONE wants to touch my belly!!! You hear horror stories of strangers practically running you down in the grocery store just to get a feel. Nope. Not even close. Even people I know are terrified to touch the bump. (If I know you, feel free. If I do not, then you're not reading this post, so I don't really need to address you... but don't do it.)
• How much I already love this tiny baby despite the fact I've never met her. The depths of my love for her cannot be described, so I won't even try. Let's just hope she's ready to be smothered with snuggles and kisses. 

So here we are, 6 months in. And I will tell you this, I cannot imagine for the life of me, not being pregnant. It's truly the most miraculous thing I think anyone could ever experience. Just SIX WEEKS after little thing was conceived, we got to hear AND see her heart beating. God thoughtfully and beautifully designed this whole process with growth and change coming each day. And it's flat out mind-blowing.

I know I have no idea just how much she is going to change our lives yet, but I do know having her in my belly makes me realize that everything I've done in my life before this pales in comparison. She's my absolute greatest joy, and I cannot wait to meet her this December. 

Oh, and if Jason sneaks "OG, the original gangster" onto her birth certificate, don't be surprised. 

It's been HOW long since I wrote a post?!

Hello? Is anyone there? Does this thing even still work??

I cannot even believe it has been two YEARS since I've written on this thing!

Let's do a quick recap of the last 24 months:
Jason deployed for the second time.
I stressed 24/7 for 8.5 months.
I also came back to the States to work while he was gone.
I spent all the money I earned to buy Jason a new truck. Look, I'm gonna talk about that forever, okay?
I flew back to Germany and got my hero back.
We continued traveling the world over the next few months, until…
ARIZONA(/MEXICO).
Where Jason went to nerd school and I watched every single thing in the Netflix library and went to Marshall's every day.
I also worked at Dillard's for 2.5 days. If you haven't heard that story, please ask me at some point. I swear it's worth it.
It was kind of totally the worst place to live.
Okay, I'm being dramatic.
But it was where people go to retire, not to spend their 27th and 28th years of life.
Now we are stationed in Louisiana, where Jason uses his nerd knowledge to train other soldiers.
And I also work. From home. Doing the same job I've done on and off since I graduated college.
Huge blessings on that last thing.
Like blessings so big I cried when I got asked to come back.
Real, ugly tears.

So that brings us up to speed! We've been living the Louisiana life for about 10 days now. And are y'all ready for this next part?!

WE ACTUALLY LIKE IT!!!

Okay, I get it. Some of you (all of you?) are like, "What's the big deal? Aren't you in New Orleans or something?"

The big deal is Ft. Polk, LA has what I would consider a pretty terrible reputation within the military community. "There's nothing to do there." "It's so hot." "I hope you like alligators." (Also… what? Do they come hang out with you at home? Do I really have to like them?) Blah, blah, blah. Nothing that has any real merit, is what I'm actually learning. But before I go any further, let's rewind a few months…

Last fall, we got a list of potential new duty stations, which Jason and I spent a good deal of time ranking (and crossing others of the list completely). Make a list of the top 20 duty stations you would like, the Army says. We will try to give you one of those, the Army says. Just kidding, the Army says. We'll send you to your second from last "never, ever do we want to go there" place.

Fort Polk, Louisiana.

Here's how it went down: Jason calls Kate, tells her the news, she says, "Very funny. Where are we really going? Clarksville?" Jason says he is serious. He's not sure why it happened but not to worry. God has a plan. Did you catch that last part? GOD HAS A PLAN. A really good one that Kate was willing to look past in order to have a panic attack. I immediately went in freak out mode. I called my dad from the floor of our guest bedroom, bawling my eyes out. Yep. Over the simple fact we were moving to Louisiana. Because that's not how it was supposed to be.

Fast-forward a few months. People were pretty vocally negative about the whole situation. Which made my outlook on the thing so much worse. Until I decided I was already hating something I'd never even experienced! (And that most of the negative people had never experienced either!) So I changed my attitude. As my new life motto goes (thanks to the knock-off Jiffy Lube on Emory Rd.): Be a fountain. Not a drain. I decided right then and there this WAS happening for a reason, and I might as well be happy about it. Even if the happiness was still a little forced. GOD HAS A PLAN finally came into my heart and not just my mind.

Fast forward a few more months. Jason and I arrive in DeRidder, LA (a town about 40 min. south of post, where we thought we'd buy or rent a home). Straight off 18 hours in the car, we drive to meet a realtor. We see a house. I get in my car and cry (yes, again). What in the WORLD is this place?! runs through my mind more than once. Jay and I decide to head to post, check into our hotel, maybe have a couple drinks (look, I was stressed), and then start the search again the next day. Then we decide the house within our budget was so nasty, let's just go out on a limb. Let's spend a little more and find somewhere nice. We call the realtor back. We go see said "nice", "above the budget" house. I cry one more time. What are all these smeared brown stains on the wall? Why is there no refrigerator? Why do the doors not close shut? Did a wild animal actually die in here somewhere? Were all legitimate questions we had when we left.

Then it hit me. Psalm 37:7 all but slapped me straight in the face. "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him." It was the only thing I needed to hear.

Why am I trying to make all these plans? God already has it in the works. He knows exactly how it's going down. HE HAS OUR BACKS! Always. In every single situation. Big and small.

The next day we decide to check out on-post housing, something we ruled out super early in the process of moving. All we had heard were horror stories of month- and year-long waiting lists. That we'd only qualify for a 2-bedroom house. That we probably wouldn't get a garage. Then the nice lady says, "Well guys, we're all out of 2 bedrooms. Let me see if I can offer you this 3-bedroom…today." I cry. But this time tears of joy. We spend the afternoon before our walk-through trying not to get our hopes too high. Then we walk in, and it was like God was right there with me, saying, "See. I told you I got this."

We signed for our house that day and moved in 2 weeks later.

Now, all the boxes have been unpacked, and we're settling into a new (very humid) routine. We have awesome neighbors. GRASS! AND TREES! GREEN STUFF!! It's just the most beautiful. Seriously. We have a lawn not made up entirely of pink rocks. This will always be a big deal to me.

And we are HAPPY. So very thankful, grateful, feeling blessed, and happy. No, there aren't countless restaurants here. And yes, the nearest Target is an hour away. But in every single situation, God provides. You just have to put your panic attack aside, decide to be a fountain, and trust.

More updates to come from swamp land! (Also, it's not swampy here. I don't know what people are talking about.)